On April 30, 2004 · Comments Off
I have yet to experience a weekday morning without him, and I already miss Bob Edwards.
Sure, I love Renee Montagne. In fact, I’ve sort of got the hots for her. Ok, I really have the hots for her.
But what is NPR going to do next, colorize the airwaves like Ted Turner did movies? Retro-mix the All Things Considered theme song with a hip-hop beat? Add a nonstop chuckle track looping in the back of every Morning Edition broadcast like the other insipid drive-time shows that make commercial radio such a festering cesspool of idiocy?
If NPR is really interested in capturing the “youth market” (whatever that is) clearly, there’s only one solution: they need to populate the studio with hentai Sailor Moon lookalike lesbians. Hey, it works for Howard Stern.
Remember what you’re about, NPR. Remember why we like you.
On April 27, 2004 · Comments Off
What a pleasure and delight to see on KAKE 10 news last night that dear Coach Lollar has been sacked. One worthless instructor out the window, 9 million more to go. Unfortunately, I cannot presume the wisdom of the Derby school board involved noticing that Mr. Ladida most of the time could not even pronounce the name of the subject he was teaching. He threatened to fail a certain oboeist for writing that a question about who won the football game last night on a test about Africa’s geography was inappropriate.
No, because, as always in Derby, schools are not institutions of learning, but the burgeoning grounds for star athletes who have to waste all their time going to things called “classes.” Actually, by the frequent visitors to Lollar’s classroom, there wasn’t much of that, even.
I would like to presume, however, that it had something to do with those leery glances.
The parents, of course, are very angry about Lollar getting kicked in the boots. He’s such a great basketball coach! And how will my boy’s ego get over-inflated now, without an ego-inflated coach to guide him?! Derby’s reputation for excellence in basketball is ruined! It is not an unimportant observation that all who spoke in defiance of the decision were worried about what would happen to the team. Not one spoke about his ability as a teacher or aptitude for social studies.
On April 12, 2004 · Comments Off
1. A corner hat is shaped like a triangle, no? The kind of cap the Yankees stuck a noodle in and called macaroni? Is it also called a Dutch cap or is this just because the first time I saw one was in a Dutch painting?
Wait, I think they’re called three-cornered hats. Nevermind.
2. Is anyone going to share some poetry sometime or are we just all up in the fist politik? Maybe investing in boxing gloves instead of pens now? Because I would recommend oven mitts. Much cheaper. Or take all the hair out of your brush and tape it to your hands. Imagine politicians getting a mouthful of that! I think we know who would get the bitchin’, gold belt after one of those hooks.