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From Special Correspondent T.S. deHaviland, the MossyMonkey

A shadowy organization threatens the good ol’ U.S. in these troubled times, an organization that is situated scant miles from the seat of power, the White House, and our gloried halls of Congress.

This is an organization that has brought down governments in Asia, Africa, and South and Central America. It has set up sleeper cells across the globe to gather intimate details of the goings on of friend and foe alike. It has supported Osama bin Laden, our sworn nemesis in the War on Terror beginning in the 1980s. It has given training and arms to insurgent groups, death squads, and all-’round bad dudes. It has even gone so far as to deceive our poor, trusting Commander In Chief, causing him to believe that Iraq was harboring weapons of mass destruction and putting at risk thousands of young American lives.

That’s right, the deceptive, terroristic cadre of wickedness to which I refer goes by the cryptic acronymn of the “C.I.A.”

Its proximity to our Beloved Fearless Leader and his loyal followers in Congress behooves us to declare open war on the C.I.A. as a matter of immediate national security. Our Holy Figurehead has already gone the first step by deposing this agency’s public ruler. But with the remaining command and control structure intact, that does not go far enough.

That this organization provides intelligence to our military may cause a few problems. However, since it is staffed largely by existing agents of the federal government, we have no end of insiders willing to follow orders for the targeting systems of our glorious armed forces’ precision weapons systems.

How can we go wrong? It is, after all, a “slam dunk.”