Today’s favorite funny!

“help: I have searched everywhere and can’t seem to find any coverage on the michael jackson case. where should I turn?”

More from Kat

Isn’t she inspiring?

“With this new look at the ‘constitutionality’ of erecting (or keeping) homages to the Ten Commandments on goverment property, American culture is once again embroiled in the the ‘but we are based on God’ argument that brings in our Puritan forefathers, but conveniently forgets other influences (like the Native American contribution to the democratic basis of our government).

The state of Texas, which is defending its monument, of course, has an interesting new twist on the tired old ‘but it’s God and it’s damn important’ argument. Solicitor General Ted Cruz has been arguing with success in the courts that the statue may be religious but its setting and context are not.

‘The Ten Commandments are indisputably a historical document that has an important secular impact on the development of Western legal codes and Western civilisation, and under US law it is sensible to acknowledge that,’ Mr Cruz says.

The problem with this argument is two-fold.
1.) The Ten Commandments are not displayed as part of an historical lesson or a look at the history of the state, the country, or even the religion. Instead, it is a stand-alone ‘monument,’ a tribute. Tributes do not ‘give off’ the concepts of history and context. History is impossible to convey without context. Instead, tributes tend to be items that are, fittingly, ‘put on a pedestal.’ Therefore, the state’s use of the Ten Commandments without historical context, is simply one of reverence, not history. If, however, one wishes to ’shift’ the focus to history, other cultures who have contributed to our democracy and way of life (like the above-mentioned Native Americans) should also be included. Otherwise, like Jesse Helms describing obscenity as ‘I know it when I see it,’ I’ll have the exact same answer for your Ten Commandments display, ‘I know genuflection when I see it.’

2.) This is not an argument against any American way of life – not Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, etc. We’re not saying, ‘Hey, all those guys can display stuff and you can’t, you Christian crazies. Nyah!’ On the contrary, this is about purity and separation: that no religion should cross that separation between church and state, even if you do believe that God loves you best. Unfortunately, however, most Christians see this defense of American democracy as a personal attack on their religion. Somehow, praying on their own turf on their own time isn’t enough. They want to be plastered coast to coast like a Paris Hilton sex video. Defending the bleedover between religion and government with the childish response that it’s just ‘the right thing to do’ is both demeaning and demented. And, it shows about as much understanding as a five-year-old pissing in a sandbox because he wants it to all belong to him.

No one wants to take religion away from the Christians. So, why are they working so damn hard to take mine away from me? As Rodney King once said, ‘Can’t we all just get along?’

Of laundry and string theory.

From our good friend Kat, via the wonders of e-mail:

“So, while embroiled in the battle that is my weekly laundry pile last night: one pile of light, two piles of dark, way too much black – I always think I should invest in that Cheer for black, but I never do – I watched NOVA’s The Elegant Universe again.

“It’s probably my forth time, but, not being a physicist, it’s taking me awhile to grasp the concepts of it. To be able to blend gravity, electromagnetism, quantum mechanics, and the strong and weak atomic nuclear forces . . . well, it just blows my mind. And, except for gravity and the theory of relativity, I don’t have a lot of knowledge of these forces. I understand the concepts of fission and fusion on a really basic ’square peg fits through big square hole’ toddler basis.

“Still, it blows my amateur mind that Einstein tried to put together this ‘theory of everything’ (string theory) for the last 20 years of his life – just to be laughed off the stage, so to speak. And, here we are, half a century later, putting together a theory of everything.

Somewhere, Einstein is giggling uncontrollably and saying, ‘I freakin’ told you so, you morons.’

But, the basics of the idea, the core principle that everything – every person, every tree, every atom, every quark, every proton – is, at its core, merely a string of energy vibrating, is positively fascinating because it is, essentially, a faith in itself. They are not sure they can ever really prove this. In the same way that dogs have a generic understanding of your vocal inflections and can be trained from there, we are attempting to grasp something that (1.) may be past our ability to understand fully, and (2.) may, instead, need to be grasped instinctually – like grabbing fish, for example: it works so much better if you don’t hold it too tightly. Otherwise it just slips away.

But, my favorite part of this theory is that Moby was so damn wrong: We are NOT made of stars. We are made of music. How fascinating. And, the tune that those strings play determines whether we are algae or human or the atmosphere of Venus.

Say, for example, that the strings at the base of all metal play Georgia Satellites songs. So, aluminum strings might vibrate with ‘Hippy Hippy Shake’ and steel might sing ‘(You Tie Me Down with) Battleship Chains.’

Amazing. So many possibilities: Paganini creates snowflakes. Pantera creates mud.

And, then we are led to the obvious question: What makes those strings know which tune to vibrate – to be elements like tungsten or gold? Is string theory, in fact, an interesting offshoot of religion? Christians would say God makes them know their own tunes. Islamics would say Allah. Hindus might say Shiva (the creator and the destroyer).

And, we Buddhists? I think we would say that enlightenment is the basis of the universe’s order. So, why wouldn’t even the smallest string of pure energy be enlightened? Perhaps it’s only humanity’s layers and complications – our distance from that enlightened core – that keep us from seeing the enlightenment that is already all around us.

I really need to see that show again.”