we’d rather not admit to, but we all know are so.
by Special Correspondent T.S. DeHaviland1. Elvis is dead.
He’s not coming back. The world that gave rise to him is not coming back. And we wouldn’t really like it if it did.
2. The Democratic the Republican parties, the President and his cabinet, most of the Congress, don’t care all that much about us. They care about power. That is why they are politicians
3. CEOs of major corporations do not have our best interests in mind. They do not have their shareholders’ best interests in mind. They do not have their companies’ best interests in mind. They have their own best interests in mind, and they’re not afraid to screw you and each other and everybody else to get what they want.
4. Michael Jackson is probably a pedophile.
And O.J. Simpson is most likely a murderer.
5. Everybody is interested in sex in some way. It’s the packaging that we argue about. We might not even be interested in being involved in it personally, but we’re fascinated nonetheless. We might very well feel guilty and speak out against it. But we wouldn’t speak at all if we didn’t care one way or the other about it.
6. Women make less than men because the people in charge are sexist. All too often these people are women themselves. However, the only way to change this is for more women to be in charge.
7. Most Americans don’t really care about what happens in Africa. That apathy is largely due to skin color. Should we feel guilty about this? Absolutely. But we should not use our guilt as an excuse to not actually do something about it.
8. Image, for most people, is more important than health. You don’t start smoking because it tastes good nor to get a nicotine buzz. You start smoking because it’s cool.
9. Everyone who has at least some level of success has had help of some kind along the way. Everyone. “Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” is not only contrary to the laws of physics, it’s arrogant bullshit.
10. Despite all this, most people are pretty decent. At least when you’re dealing with them on a personal level. Or at least they genuinely want to be. Even Osama bin Laden really thinks he’s doing the right thing. George W. Bush does too. This is also why both these assholes are so disturbingly dangerous.