To: Mike Malarkey
From: the Anonymous Donation Administration
Re: Your lack of charity, you stinking bastard
It’s not that you are likely to burn in hell for not donating to Beers for Cheers, but I can’t rule it out as a possibility.
Beers for Cheers is an organization dedicated to providing funds for the introduction of poor, underfunded pep squad members and cheerleaders to the glories of adult beverages, and desperate fraternity brothers to the wonders of human reproduction. It operates in seven different countries and throughout the United States and the protectorate of Guam.
Begun in 1956 by the Tau Tau Tau fraternity house, Beers for Cheers has successfully inebriated over one million young women and gotten hundreds of thousands of young men laid.
Help let both cheerleaders and fraternity members experience college life the way it ought to be experienced and donate generously to Beers for Cheers!
—Blam Mamson